A Lost Soul

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                “Friends forever?”

                “Promise….?”

Then you do that pinky thing to tighten up your promises. You promise to never leave each other’s side and to be there through ups and downs of life no matter what happens. Forever. You make your own vows at the corner of a classroom instead of making it in front of the altar. You get married – to your friend – and just made a promise of a lifetime.

                Do you have any idea of what you are doing? If being friends ‘forever’ means riding on the same school bus every morning going to school and every afternoon going home; having your snacks shared and eaten together during recess; helping each other on doing homework; telling each other’s crushes; handing paper toilets when you can’t help it but poop in school, etcetera, then probably, you are right. You know what being ‘friends forever’ is - forever in a primary school – and you don’t know how you’ll get in to high school without these friends.

                And then high school comes. You get to have a new set of friends whom you’ll do the same promise. You share your family stories; tell your first boyfriend/girlfriend; talk about your plans for college; hug whenever one gets down; go on a movie during weekends; have sleepovers; do projects together; send sms whenever you’re not together or even during classes when you can not have that chit chat because your teacher is busy talking like an alien and; more. You are probably on a ‘friends-forever era’ in a secondary school – and you can not imagine surviving college without having these people.

College is on the way. You and your friends go to different universities. A whole new world – different people from different places – is there to adjust on. You call or text your high school friends telling them how awful or amazing your day is; you go online to chat with them and send the link of a hottie you just found in the campus and of course; you always tell them how much you miss them. How long will it be (missing them)?

                Before you know it, you are already, again, in a group of new people you called ‘friends’. No more pinky promises, so elementary. No more getting jealous whenever one goes out with other, so high school. As the time passes by, you’ll know that they are your friends, not out of a promise and/or agreement, but you just know it. From sharing your darkest secrets to making new ones; from telling if you’re still a virgin or not, to asking who s/he wants to do ‘it’; from overnight review to overnight drinking session; from academic tours to just a fun tour; more; more and; more.

                You can be proud and shout how lucky you are to have the best people in your life who will always be there and never leave you through ups and downs and you could not ask for more. Is it enough?

                College is the terrorist that destroys your fairytale made in elementary and high school or let’s just say, the antagonist in your own story. It is when you start to put the pieces of life’s puzzle. Just the start. You fail a subject and your friends comfort you. You break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend and your friends will drink with you. You don’t graduate on time and you have to work and your friends will support you emotionally, spiritually and even financially. The more you fail, the more you know more. Ironic.

                You fail, they will be there. You fail again, and they will be there again. But you see, people get tired. They have their own lives as you have your own. You have problems and they may have a lot more. Life is more than just a fairytale that ends in happily ever after.

                Reality check: friends will not always be beside you; they will not be there through your ups and downs all through your life; they will leave you soon – sooner than you think. Sometimes, you do leave them to make the life you, well, used to talk about with them.

                Come to think of it, you once didn’t know how to make your high school life colorful without your elementary friends but you did. You once can not imagine college without your best buds in high school but you did. They’re not with you, always.

                Life, or in this case, friendship is more than what we paint during teenage life. I hope I am just being cynical, but I know more than that. Sooner or later, you’ll start to live on your own – without the friends you used to spend your everyday with. Sooner or later, you’ll be busy with your work that you can not even find a minute to text or chat with them. Sooner or later, you’ll have your family and you just can’t make it having friends in your house and drink until the morning sky.

                Friends forever. It is more than just the promises made. It is more than just your ups and downs when you’re a student. It is more than just sharing your secrets. It is more than just lending money or time.

                Am I being too pessimistic? You may have your own viewpoints of course and this is mine. Let me crack you this, for me, being friends is knowing that when you get older, you know that you’ll get in touch in the future because you are each other’s child’s godmother/godfather. It may not be everyday but you know for sure that you’ll see each other in the future. How often? Maybe once a month? Once a year? Once every five years? Once in a blue moon? Or maybe when you’re already lying sound and won’t be able to wake up the next morning. Whenever it is, your friends will be the ones who will still get in touch after your ‘fun life’ is over whether it is immediately after or after you just have your first grandchild.

                I have no grandchild yet. I know. And yes, I’ll know who my friends are when I get there. Still, it’s good to know you have people you called ‘friends’ (bestfriends, in fact) in every chapter of your life. So what? Friends forever? Promise…?

          The best thing about our mind is that it can take you anywhere you want to whether you’re wide awake or deeply asleep. You can manipulate the actions to satisfy your feelings. You can create the sweetest gestures you know and the next thing you know is that you are smiling out of nowhere while walking or just sitting somewhere.

         The favorite flowers you want on a Valentine’s day, the favorite chocolates that you want to receive on a random day, the sweetest goodnight kiss, the hug that will secure you all throughout the night as you sleep, everything; your fantasies will be perfectly created by your own mind.

         And then this bastard mind will take a toll on you. The thing about the way we think is that we tend to overthink most of the times, if not always. We think of the future and what I mean by this is that we usually think of the negative things like what if this is unreal? What if it’s just a game? Maybe this is just happening out of pity. The negative side of what ifs and maybes.

          We can choose to think of the positive side. This brat brain will just push us through our limits. Geez! You soft tangible thing that hides in our head! Why don’t you just let us live in our fantasies or plain reality? Do you really have to paint the bloody tragedy?

It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so many things to remember.
Love doesn’t demand to be loved back, but it doesn’t mean it exists to be taken for granted.

This kind of day. 😍

In this part of the world, the heat is on, but TGIF!

This side of my room keeps me dreaming. <3

It’s been a while so I did a quickie with gel pens. :p

Machong-macho e! :p

Share a Coke with bro and sis :)

Breaking up is just like having the worst nightmare after having the best dream

Business report on Friday. Projector is acting up. Nganga na lang sa mga bosses wishing they could extend their imagination. Tapos tatawanan ka pa at kukuhanan ng photo. Malapit na akong magdrawing dito ngayong break para maintindihan niyo e! Haha.

Tangled | Quick work for tonight’s practice | watercolor and ink

Done painting my room! Yahoo! Will continue cleaning tomorrow morning as workout! Tired but happy. :)

This is how @plorodol and I doodle over a cup of coffee :)